Louise Vocis Anima

For Someone Who Won't Read This  JULY 9 2026 I don’t know what stays with me more: your birthday tomorrow or the fact that we share the same birth month. Maybe it’s because I once promised we’d do something together before your birthday. I badly wanted to greet you today for your birthday. I should’ve known it wouldn’t be easy. There’s a big chance you wouldn’t even care anymore, and maybe that’s just how things are now. But after everything, what I hate the most is that I can’t stay mad or pretend to be oblivious. Even if it was only for a short period of time, I loved you. You lived in my heart, and for a while, you became part of my life. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so kind, especially to the people who have hurt me. I’ve been trying to master the art of ignoring people and not giving 100% of myself to those who once ignored or broke me. But I don’t know… maybe that’s just not who I am. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to become that person. I still remember when you told me...

RIZA PART 7 I’m not going to tell you everything we went through. But based on everything I’ve told you… It didn’t end well. And the hardest part? She still gave me chance after chance after chance. Imagine that. Someone most people would dream of having… kept choosing to stay with someone like me. A loser who was still trying to figure his life out. And somehow… I still couldn’t make it work. Eventually, everything exploded into one final, ugly fight. The kind of fight that makes you realize there’s nothing left to fix. So I left. And we ended it for good. Because by then, she was no longer seeing me . She was seeing the helplessness she once saw in her ex-husband. Every trigger. Every pattern. Every trauma response she spent years trying to heal from… She started seeing in me. And at the same time, I was slowly losing my own mental health too. I was so obsessed with trying to catch up to her — trying to become someone she could finally be proud of — that I never stopped to ask myself...

RIZA PART 6 It had been six months . And in all that time, we had never even gone out on a proper date. Not once. Not because she didn’t want to. But because I didn’t have a single peso in my pocket. All I could do was help around the house. Keep things clean. Do the chores. Make sure everything was in order while she was the one out there carrying the financial weight for both of us. And honestly? That crushed me. Because for six years , I had been the provider in my last relationship. I knew what it felt like to be the one giving. And now suddenly, I was on the other side of it. The one receiving. The one struggling. The one who couldn’t even take their girl out for something as simple as a cup of coffee. And the fucked up part is… That was all she ever wanted. She never asked for luxury. Never asked for expensive gifts. Never wanted grand gestures. She just wanted to be taken out. To feel like someone was trying for her, too. And you can say how messed up that was. How maybe I shoul...

RIZA PART 5 But then the real problem started showing itself. I still had no job. And before I knew it, the year had already turned to 2026 . She was starting to lose trust in me because no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn’t find something decent. By then, I had already been living with her for almost half a year, and I still couldn’t contribute anything. Not because I didn’t want to. But because even my own family was struggling too. And slowly, that reality started weighing on us. We fought more. There were breakups, then makeups. Breakups because she was exhausted. Makeups because some part of her still believed I could find my direction. And the truth is — She was never demanding. She never asked for luxury. She never expected me to suddenly match what she was earning. She even told me she’d be happy if I earned at least 20k , as long as it was clean money and it was mine — something I could build myself from. Something that would give me my own identity again. But that work...

RIZA PART 4 While I was still struggling to find a job, she was the one who looked after me — mentally, physically, and financially. Honestly, you could say I was probably one of the luckiest gays alive for everything she did for me. She gave me the kind of love and care I used to only wish for during my 6-year relationship. And she did all of it because she wanted me to learn to love myself again — but this time from a healthier, more positive perspective. She decorated my office and turned it into something warm and cozy. She would prepare late-night meals or make coffee for me while I sat for hours in front of my computer, endlessly sending resumes and applications. Not because I asked her to. But because she wanted me to feel appreciated for trying. She even took care of my physical appearance. I had gained weight from years of stress and emotional exhaustion, and instead of making me feel insecure about it, she introduced me to a medical treatment that could help with weight loss....

 RIZA PART 3 She met me while I was on sick leave because of heart complications. I was strongly advised not to go back to working onsite because it could seriously affect my health. So, like everyone else trying to survive, I was desperately looking for a work-from-home setup . That’s when she offered me her place. She was living alone, and she told me I could use one of her extra rooms as my office while I looked for work. At first, I honestly thought it would be easy. I came from years of call center experience, so I told myself it was only a matter of time before I’d land something. But time passed. Weeks turned into months. And before I knew it, almost five months had gone by since we met — and somewhere along the way, we became a relationship. And if I’m being real, that scared me. Because she was everything anyone could ever want. She was drop-dead gorgeous, smart, self-sufficient, emotionally aware, and knew exactly what she wanted in life. She was the kind of woman every ...

RIZA PART 2 I also want to be honest about one thing: I was never really a provider for her. And I knew that was one of her biggest red flags. Not because she was materialistic — far from it. It was because of what her ex-husband did to her. He manipulated her into giving and giving until there was almost nothing left. And when I say giving , all taken from her through years of manipulation. That kind of betrayal changes how a person sees love. It makes them terrified of being used again. And I knew that. That’s why it became one of our biggest arguments. Because despite everything, she still thought highly of me. Even if I only came from a call center background, she believed I had the potential to do bigger things. She saw something in me that, honestly, I was still struggling to see in myself. She kept telling me I was capable of more. She even offered to help me shift careers and join her in the VA world because she believed I could build something better for myself there. And mayb...

RIZA PART 1 I met someone who was already self-made and self-sufficient in life. Someone earning at least six digits a month, while I was still struggling just to survive. But beyond all that, she was carrying so much trauma. She had mental health struggles because of her ex-husband — someone who abused her mentally, physically, and financially for three years. She fought her way out of that. She got herself medicated. She attended therapy. She slowly rebuilt her self-worth from the ground up. And somewhere in the middle of rebuilding herself… She met me. At my lowest point, too. I had just come from a failed 6-year relationship where I was the provider the entire time, only to walk away with nothing but debts and regrets. I was still trying to put myself back together when she swiped right on me on a dating app. Honestly, I never thought it would turn into something serious. Her caliber of thought felt so advanced compared to mine. She was older than me by two years, already in law s...

  MEMENTO MORI All hopes are up to finish a shift that’s quite tiresome, but you don’t back down because you have something in mind. You still have to reply to a message you received about a reservation confirmation for Monday next week. You play it safe, careful not to make it too obvious it’s supposed to be a surprise. For the first time, you are genuinely excited about a plan. You know this could be the start of a big change. The Call Not until someone calls you from your Zoom app. The application is connected to your phone, so as it rings from your computer, it also notifies your phone. Hoping not to miss a single thing, she checks it only to find a missed interview from yesterday. All hell breaks loose. The Breaking Point That’s the start of a nightmare. When she thought you had been nothing but complacent and contented, you had actually been trying to win every interview, from what she knows. That’s the beginning of your final. You can’t help but look at the door, ...

CHAPTER FIVE "Confession"  And to the girl to whom I dedicate this typscript— I have already expressed my gratitude to you in a thousand ways, but somehow it still never feels enough. You know how much you have helped me grow and how you nurtured me in ways I never thought possible. When I first met you, I thought you were someone who could never be tamed. You were fearless, always ready to face any challenge that came your way. But little did people know that behind that strength was someone who was willing to lower her walls and trust me, hoping that together we could make our relationship work. To me, you were a rare gem. And yet, I made the mistakes that slowly caused everything to crumble. The tower we built together—the foundation we carefully started—I forgot that in my own hands I was holding the sledgehammer that could destroy it all. I had chances to turn things around. I truly did. But instead of learning from my mistakes, I became too confident that you would forg...

CHAPTER FOUR "Hint of Hyperthymesia" Honestly, I didn’t really know how to end this chapter. To fast-track things a little—yes, we eventually became a thing. But a lot happened after that. Our story turned into something bittersweet… a relationship that felt like one hell of a rollercoaster ride. So why did I decide to write all of this? Because the memories are still fresh . They’re so vivid that I feel like I could retell the entire story again and again without forgetting a single detail. It’s the same kind of feeling you get when you unexpectedly see your crush at the mall , sitting in your favorite restaurant. Or when you suddenly spot a Bugatti Veyron in the middle of traffic in a busy city like Manila —something so rare that it makes you look twice just to make sure it’s real. Or that moment when you reach into your pocket thinking you have nothing left… only to discover a folded thousand-peso bill still hiding there. That kind of surprise. That kind of memo...

CHAPTER THREE  " The Beginning" I usually wake up late because I sleep late. But after everything that happened the night before, I was surprised to find myself awake as early as 8 in the morning . And the feeling was different. For a moment, I just lay there, realizing that I was alive, breathing… and waking up beside someone who looked like an angel . She looked peaceful while sleeping. Beautiful, even in silence. So I stayed there for a minute or two just watching her, memorizing the calm look on her face. Then I leaned closer and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead . That did the trick. She slowly opened her eyes, a little surprised to see me beside her. But then she smiled and greeted me with a quiet “Good morning.” Just like that, our weekend began. She said she was hungry and offered to grab us something to eat. She ordered food online, and while we waited for it to arrive, we kept talking. I told her about my situation—that I was planning to work from hom...

CHAPTER TWO " One ride One Hug"    We eventually dropped her off back at her place. Before that, though, something small happened that stuck with me. She accidentally dropped almost everything she was holding. Her phone, some papers, a few other things—all falling to the ground. She was still groggy from the medication she had taken earlier. I instinctively stepped closer and asked if she needed help. I was worried about her. But at the same time, I didn’t want to invade her personal space. She smiled and said she had it under control . So I let her handle it. After that, the driver dropped me off near the nearest exit where I could easily catch a tricycle going home. When I finally got home, I went straight to my room. I was exhausted from that three-hour ride . My body felt heavy and all I wanted to do was lie down. Then my phone buzzed. It was a message from her. She was thanking me for coming with her. And just like that… the exhaustion disappeared. Suddenly I...

CHAPTER ONE *THE MEET UP    This story is 400% true to life. Back then, I was a hopeless romantic. My friends kept pushing me to install a dating app because I was the only one in our group who was still stuck nursing a broken heart after a six-year relationship that ended in cheating . Eventually, I gave in and installed the app. To be honest, I didn’t like it much. It felt dull and shallow. People swiping left and right like they were browsing a menu. So after trying it for a bit, I basically abandoned it. I left the app on my phone but stopped using it completely. Almost three months passed without me opening it. Then one day, while I was in the middle of a workout, my phone made a notification sound I didn’t recognize. Curious, I glanced at it. Someone had swiped right on me . Normally, I wouldn’t bother checking. Most of the people who matched with me before were just looking for quick hookups, and that wasn’t my thing. But this one felt… different. Let me expl...

 For starters, I’m a nobody, or at least that’s what the world would call me. An aspiring, borderline-delusional, wannabe creative writer who honestly believes that the weird ideas echoing inside my skull have some kind of purpose. Maybe they do. Perhaps they don’t. I haven’t figured that part out yet. Most of the time, I sit somewhere staring at nothing, which, to outsiders, looks like I’m malfunctioning when in reality, I’m trying to unravel the next thing worth writing. Something that actually makes sense, or at least pretends to. Let me warn you: This isn’t your typical “about the author” introduction. If you came here expecting achievements, glamorous titles, or a neatly packaged life story… You took a wrong turn. I don’t have those. And even if I did, I’d probably misplace them. What you will find is an open door into my world, my mind, my strange little universe where thoughts collide, moods shift like weather, and ideas appear uninvited at 3 a.m. This is how I see th...

 Remember that scene in The Matrix,  two pills, two paths, one choice? Now imagine someone handing you those same pills today. The blue pill promises everything you’ve ever dreamed of: money, comfort, success laid out like a buffet. But the trade-off? You lose yourself. No emotions. No identity. Just a perfect life with an empty soul. Then there’s the red pill,  the one that keeps your mind steady, your heart whole, your peace intact. But you start from zero. No wealth. No cushion. Just you, raw and rebuilding. Tell me… which one would you take? It’s funny how hard it is to choose between two things we crave: A life that feels good vs. A life that looks good. So what really matters today? Is it the freedom that money brings? Or the sanity that health protects? Can you even take care of your health without wealth? And does wealth ever guarantee you won’t get sick? If life gave you the power to map out everything from your first breath to your final wish...

As I finish my last piece and press enter on my advanced writing machine, I glance at my phone’s alarm. It’s already past five in the afternoon. That means I’ve been sitting on my black thinking chair for almost five hours straight from the moment I started searching for inspiration to the last cigarette butt I dropped. My mind is full of ideas fluttering in the air as I fog the entire room with smoke from yet another lit cigarette. I look at the right corner of my workstation and see that I’ve already finished one pack, plus three more sticks, all drowned in water so no spark from the ashes survives. This one would be my fourth, I tell myself, as I start typing again on my magical writing machine. I promised myself I wouldn’t move a budge until everything in my head is typed into my digital notepad. I can feel my shoulders straining from the five-hour position, and numbness is slowly crawling from my toes up to my calves. I don’t have any stories to tell. I don’t have any characte...

 I knew someone picture-perfect in every way so dreamy that no one believed she was mine one day. No one thinks we laughed inside her little space, or that she cooked for me with warmth I can still taste. She held me close when the world felt unsafe, called my name softly, like a promise she’d keep safe. I watched her smile slowly take its place, a look so full of hope it lit the darkest space. But then the night crept in, and the colors began to fade her smile, slowly drifting like a shadow unmade. The warmth in her eyes turned distant and unclear, And the hug I once knew slipped away from near. Her voice grew faint as darkness filled the air, calling my name softly, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Doubt settled in, hunger grew inside my chest, and suddenly the place that felt like home felt like unrest. All that’s left now are pictures fragile as paper dreams,  memories fading at the edges, quieter than they seem. I once had someone who felt too real to f...

 I was about to go to sleep when I suddenly felt the need to watch something on Netflix that could help me drift off afterward. I came across this documentary called Happy Jail. Just to refresh your memory, it’s about the Cebu jail with the dancing inmates, made famous for their Michael Jackson tribute performance. At first glance, I thought it would just be a simple story about how the dancing inmates started. But after reading the episode descriptions, I realized it’s much deeper than that. It covers conspiracies, shared governance, the war on drugs, political ambitions, and a lot more. Basically, the story revolves around inmates who testified that the jail was once called Happy Jail for a reason. They were thankful for their consultant, who made that happen (I won’t drop his name, just look it up on Netflix). This consultant, however, was criticized by the government because he was an ex-convict who had been appointed as the jail leader by the governor at the time. While hearin...