It's Not Personal. It's Official Business.

CHAPTER FIVE "Confession" 

And to the girl to whom I dedicate this typscript—

I have already expressed my gratitude to you in a thousand ways, but somehow it still never feels enough. You know how much you have helped me grow and how you nurtured me in ways I never thought possible.

When I first met you, I thought you were someone who could never be tamed. You were fearless, always ready to face any challenge that came your way. But little did people know that behind that strength was someone who was willing to lower her walls and trust me, hoping that together we could make our relationship work.

To me, you were a rare gem.

And yet, I made the mistakes that slowly caused everything to crumble. The tower we built together—the foundation we carefully started—I forgot that in my own hands I was holding the sledgehammer that could destroy it all.

I had chances to turn things around. I truly did.

But instead of learning from my mistakes, I became too confident that you would forgive me again, just as you always had before.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to treat you the way you deserved.

I let you work yourself to exhaustion, sometimes almost fifty hours straight, just to provide for both of us. I was physically present, but in many ways I left you alone. I left you stranded with your worries, your thoughts, and the weight you had to carry every day.

I was never consistent in proving the promises I made at the beginning of our relationship.

Instead, I became focused on my own feelings and forgot to look after yours.

Whenever we argued, I thought that giving you silence would help calm things down. I believed that space would fix everything.

What I didn’t realize was that my silence only made you feel more distant from me.

I should have stepped up and taken on the role of provider for both of us. Even though you were the strong one in the relationship, you still deserved someone who could stand beside you and carry the burden too.

But instead, I acted like a foolish child.

And you became the one forced to act like a parent—someone who had to hold everything together.

My immaturity blinded me.

I failed to see that little by little, you were already distancing yourself from me. I thought you were simply busy with work. Meanwhile, I stayed inside my comfort zone while you fought your battles alone.

Yet whenever you succeeded, whenever things went well, I would stand there and take the credit—as if I had done any of the work.

And most importantly, I forgot the main reason why I met you in the first place.

You were already tired of the pain and the triggers you carried from your past relationship. You wanted peace. You wanted something different.

I kept telling you that I would keep my promises.

But for the first time, I want to admit the truth.

I failed to keep them.

The hardest part is not losing you.
The hardest part is knowing that I was the one who taught you how to walk away.

And now the silence between us is the same silence I once believed would fix everything.